once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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