You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
