Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize