my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
