haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
