we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's like heaven, but drunker
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
