you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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