Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
