Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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