actually, I'm a sock model
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
