and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
