ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
