Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
