I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
