I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
