Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
