i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
