super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
