I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
