It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
