I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
