Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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