we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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