I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
