we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
