Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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