why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
