dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
