i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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