just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
