I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
