just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize