i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize