Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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