Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
