probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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