come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
