Best friends brother. Beat that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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