New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
