your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
