I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
