Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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