You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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