Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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