he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
