Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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