So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
