Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
