Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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