I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
