despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
