I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
