i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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