literally had 100 drinks last night.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
time to smoke my breakfast
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
