My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
