fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
