umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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