they need to just BURY HIM!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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