He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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