he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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