is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
