he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
