Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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