well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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