she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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