I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
