Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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