you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She told me I should be a condom model.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
