you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
