I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
