White coat. Heels.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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