My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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